Nothing Left To Lose
by BerryQueen
Summary: What's the point of living if you don't have any reason to hold on?


**Author's Notes:  **I don't own the X-Men.  Nada one of 'em.  

**Nothing Left to Lose**

By Sara 

Breath in.  

Breath out.  

Breath in.  

Breath out.  

Breath in.

The burning ache in his lungs was the only thing he could feel anymore.  A sharp pain reminding him his life was fading; slowly but surely.   He'd long lost the sense of his legs, his arms following suit shortly after.  No point in saving his strength to try and cry for help, he was alone.  Like he always seems to be.

Breath out.

 Remy LeBeau continued to lay facedown in the snow as his weak lungs fought for air.  _Pain is a good sign, neh?  Aint dead yet.  _The fluttering snow falling from heaven buried him deeper and deeper into the landscape, too numb to bat it off, his skilled fingers black with frost bite.

Breath in.

Having a place in the world was a cosmic joke in the end for him.  At birth, his mother had abandoned him, not desiring the mutie that stared up at her from her arms.  The red on black eyes was not a normal trait for beautiful little babies so he was left for the first, but not last, time in his life.

Breath out.

The streets became his home, his family.  Digging threw trashcans for a bite to see tomorrow became every day life for him.  He learned to steal, to cheat, to not die.  Always carry a switchblade, especial if your eyes make you a target for everyone else on the streets.  Memories that left a bad taste in his mouth, but had to have been done for a dim future.  He had to hope for something to grab on to as he'd fall asleep under a trash-bin.

Breath in.

Then Jean Luc gave him a home and last name.  Remy threw himself into the family become the best thief he could.  He bent over backwards for them and his Belladonna.  The sound of her laughter as they ran threw the New Orleans swamps as she swore a blood oath to bind herself to him forever.

Breath out.

Her forever ended at the age of 18.  His family kicked him out and his Belladonna stayed behind, her family too important to lose.  Hurt, he wander the world alone… again.  He met another man who worked with Remy to control his ever expanding powers.  Sinister was no family, but they forged a strong working relationship.  He'd impressed Sinister with his skills as a thief and began to think that maybe this was where he belonged.  Not a real family by any manning of twisting, but he became Gambit.

Breath in.

Again, Remy had been wrong.  Sinister didn't need his "gambit" anymore and sent him on a mission with a group of trained killers into the tunnels of New York.  Remy hadn't known at the time what was actually set to occur, but Sinister knew without a doubt that once Gambit did, he'd stop at nothing to save the Morlock people, getting himself killed in the process.

Breath out.

Solitary in life once more, he wandered.  Time lost meaning.  A pinch here, a night of passion there.  No commitment, no chance of getting hurt.  His Stormy then came into his life, and he decided to give the family thing another shot as he joined the X-Men.  He asked nothing of them, giving blood & sweat in battle.  The bad times in his life got buried under betters ones.  And he was falling in love.

Breath in.

She was feisty and spirited, a firecracker with a soft southern voice.  He couldn't have her, her powers keeping them apart from the physical ways of love but it didn't matter because he loved her truly, deeply.  When it came down to it, he didn't want to fuck her, just lie in her arms resting his head against her chest and not have a gnawing guilt that it was only a matter of time…

Breath out.

He'd been a fool to believe that everything he'd done could ever make up for his dark past.  So they left him in the frozen south to find he way in the world once again.  Remy had fought the cold winds that beat against his chest.  Even when his eyelid froze shut, he blindly stumbled on until fatigue buckled his legs.

Breath in.

            _Is dis how it's gonna end for me?  De irony of it, I gave it my all to everyone.  Most people, dey'd give up and thrown in their hand a long time ago.  I pushed forward and still lost de pot.  Born abandoned, die abandoned.  Was it… worth it? De life of Remy "Gambit" LeBeau?_

Breath out.

Breath in.

Breath out.

Breath in.

Breath out.

Breath…

*     *     *     *     *

            "Jean's cooking again?" Bobby joking gagged walking into the kitchen.

            *****My cooking is not that bad, I'd like to see you try and make dinner one of these days***** she quipped telepathicly.      

            Logan glanced up from his plate.  "Darlin', I've eaten cardboard with more flavor."  His plate rose off the table, and headed back towards the cupboard.  "Hey!"

            *****Oh, so now you **want** to eat my cooking*****

            "Ignore them Jean, they're men."  Psylocke ran a hand threw her rich dark violet hair.  "If they want to bitch, they can live off of TV dinners."

            "I was thinking takeout myself."  Varies objects were thrown in Bobby's direction.

            "Bobby," Rogue groaned.  "Ah don't care what ya want, Jean worked real hard on this-"

            Cutting her off, Warren muttered "We could always go out to eat you know."

            "Bickering, what music to my ears," Beast chuckled.  "Now pass the mashed potatoes Logan."

            "Move it or lose it Big Blue."

            "You guys ar—"  In midsentenced, Psylocke stopped for a brief fraction of a second as the world fell away from her.  "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" 

            She wasn't sure who cried out her name, or how she'd ended up withering on the floor.  Her body convulsed; bile rising from her throat, arms & legs in violent seizures.  The chaotic reactions of her teammates meant nothing to her, the over powering psychic blast still fresh on her mind.

In a haze of blood, vomit and tears, she choked out two words.  "Remy's… dead."

To be continued… 


End file.
